THings that i tought it exist all this while is just an illusion...

last time, for these year..i tought u were sincere...i tought when u so good to me it was real...i tought magic will happen..i tought you were the one...i tought you are the one..so i decided to give you my everything...when i say i dont trust...you make me trust you so much...and i keep thinking of you no matter what i do...no matter where i go...what i seen...what i eat...i also will think of you...even the gap between me and you getting far n far day by day...i feel you not that good anymore but i keep think a reason for you...i tought this is what should i do and be patient...i tought one day you will want to...i keep wait wait and wait...sometimes the reason make me hold so long because i tought you still care...i tought even you dint find or contact me...your heart at least still gt me a lil bit...but...now i realize it is just my illusion and the truth...

you sometimes care is because you felt guilty when you dint find me cuz i treat u good...
because u want to be loved and liked...you feel proud...
because you are selfish and i dont realize that...
you are a jerk...

why you still will want to go malacca with me...
why you will celebrate your bday with oni me?
why you.............
why???

even it is past tense...but forever there is a scar in my heart...tears will suddenly come at night..

my mind is gonna burst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so bored with my life... now i understand...last time when in scul life i always complain wanan work and said scul life is so stress and boring...but those adult will say...aiyo...when u r in working life...u will know how stressful and bored...everyday work then go bek sleep then work sumore the next day...its like a circle of life..lolz...now i really understand..ya i am lucky i gt this job...boss not always here...and i am the manager of this company with my own office room...but sometimes boss not always in the office will make me take things for granted...i will always delay things i suppose to do...will lazy.....then the saLary i get here is just 2000...ya..maybe to other ppl i am very lucky at least i gt 2000...but to me...i dont feel it is enuf...and i wanna earn more!!! i want to change to event company...i am thinking to resign...but i am worry that once i leave my company...another company, what kind of conflict i am gonna face...and i am worried that i will regret...

at this moment..i am doing well...but i will complain its too bored to work here and i keep doing the same thing everyday at the same place and i dont have the space to improve and explore myself....i just feel so bored...i am like that...born to this world and just know how to complain~~~~~ but i cant help myself...i like to complain...i want to be a better human!! i feel so sucks now....i dont hope to just earn 2000 and sit in a office room every mon till fri...but of cuz i dont hope to be at home everyday too...i want to be a very bz woman so that can distract me from thinkin too much....sumtimes is not i want to think about the unhappy things that happened...but when i am alone i really cant control and will think about it and 'lo fu lei san'....what is the point..now i am planning to resign...but i have to give at least 2 months notice b4 resign...n now i am waiting for my boss to come to office today...i dont know want to tell ont...or wait till i get a job 1st...i really tak tahu macam mana la.....haizzzz!!!!

something in my mind~

you are just a fucking sales man that sell camera in lowyat...why am i so in luv with you b4...just because you treat me good for less than 1 month...and in that period...make me fall for you??? i dont look at what you have...even when you fetch me with your old car i dont mind...even you dont have a car i dont mind...even i know everytime is i go fetch you from your house...i dont even mind...because i am sincere...i am serious...and..i am too naive....but things change really very fast...everything change in just a second...2day i have make a decision to message you to be friend not because i still care you...not because i stil love you...is because i dont want to have something uncomfortable inside...because i wanna forgive and forget everything that happen...at least i can....but...1 sorry also i dont even received....just take everything as my bad luck knowing you...now i realise you are not important at all...and you ruin my year 2010..making me unhappy...